I passed my written comps!
Woohoooo.......such a relief
I have set my oral comps for July 11-15th.
So I am officially moving forward.
My chair wanted to tell me herself. She was happy and said that my comps was much better.
So hold on to your chairs people I am on a roll.
I will finish and will be Dr. Kat after all!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Comps take 2
I retook comps last weekend and every day this week I have checked my e-mail to see if I passed. Again if I fail I will be kicked out of the program.
My biggest fear is that I will be at work and check the e-mail and find that I failed and just loose it at work.
So I have been staying busy.
I made a costume from lord of the rings for my brother. I have been writing my dissertation as well.
So the next post will say whether or not I will continue this journey as a doc student....
My biggest fear is that I will be at work and check the e-mail and find that I failed and just loose it at work.
So I have been staying busy.
I made a costume from lord of the rings for my brother. I have been writing my dissertation as well.
So the next post will say whether or not I will continue this journey as a doc student....
Sunday, April 10, 2011
would rather
Be doing anything other then trying to come up with answers for the comps. I am practicing.
I would rather be napping, cooking, even cleaning.
I went to an Indian festival and got Henna on my hands.
I just found out through e-mail that I am meeting with my chair tomorrow.
Next week is my break from work. I expect more work to be done that week.
Weekends just go by too quickly.
It is hard to stay focused.
Glad to hear that my friend is now on a better path. A good chair someone who believes in you will make a HUGE difference.
Its funny because the one friend I told in my program is mad that they failed me and is a little bitter about the extra work I now have to do. He said, its their fault, if they didn't fail you you wouldn't have this extra stress. It is a stigma though, no one talks about failing comps.
I keep telling myself in one year this will all be over.
But now I must finish this practice......
I would rather be napping, cooking, even cleaning.
I went to an Indian festival and got Henna on my hands.
I just found out through e-mail that I am meeting with my chair tomorrow.
Next week is my break from work. I expect more work to be done that week.
Weekends just go by too quickly.
It is hard to stay focused.
Glad to hear that my friend is now on a better path. A good chair someone who believes in you will make a HUGE difference.
Its funny because the one friend I told in my program is mad that they failed me and is a little bitter about the extra work I now have to do. He said, its their fault, if they didn't fail you you wouldn't have this extra stress. It is a stigma though, no one talks about failing comps.
I keep telling myself in one year this will all be over.
But now I must finish this practice......
Monday, April 4, 2011
Meeting with chair
Destiny is Not a Matter of Chance, it is a Matter of Choice; it is Not a Thing to be Waited for, it is a Thing to be Achieved.
~William Jennings Bryan
My title sounds like I am talking to furniture. Nope I am not my friends, I am talking to THE CHAIR, the all important one. The person who will make sure I finish this PhD.
So we have set a new date for Comps, May 6-9th.
We talked at length about the new questions and I am going to start answering them to an extent and have my chair give me feedback. I must pass them this time. I have also given myself more time to perfect it and worry more....lol maybe not the worrying.
I have often told students that they need to set aside a time and just worry in that time but that they are not allowed to worry any other time during the day except during that time. Usually they can't so then they stop worrying.
It is in the school's best interest that I pass my comps this time. I will I promise.
Then the next step is oral comps which I will rock at.
Then I have to propose my prospectus.
Once I do that I don't have to supervise any more Masters students. It will give me more time to just write. Plus my husband will be back finishing his BA. So plenty of time to write.
But first things first....Comps.
I think I will act like its my first time taking comps. That might make it better. That way I don't fear failing again. And I won't think of the consequences of failing.
In a way I think that the questions are easier.....did they dumb it down? Do I care if they did? Not really, nope not at all.
The sun is shining and I feel more energetic but its still not saying much since well I usually would be asleep right now. I am on the mend though.
~William Jennings Bryan
My title sounds like I am talking to furniture. Nope I am not my friends, I am talking to THE CHAIR, the all important one. The person who will make sure I finish this PhD.
So we have set a new date for Comps, May 6-9th.
We talked at length about the new questions and I am going to start answering them to an extent and have my chair give me feedback. I must pass them this time. I have also given myself more time to perfect it and worry more....lol maybe not the worrying.
I have often told students that they need to set aside a time and just worry in that time but that they are not allowed to worry any other time during the day except during that time. Usually they can't so then they stop worrying.
It is in the school's best interest that I pass my comps this time. I will I promise.
Then the next step is oral comps which I will rock at.
Then I have to propose my prospectus.
Once I do that I don't have to supervise any more Masters students. It will give me more time to just write. Plus my husband will be back finishing his BA. So plenty of time to write.
But first things first....Comps.
I think I will act like its my first time taking comps. That might make it better. That way I don't fear failing again. And I won't think of the consequences of failing.
In a way I think that the questions are easier.....did they dumb it down? Do I care if they did? Not really, nope not at all.
The sun is shining and I feel more energetic but its still not saying much since well I usually would be asleep right now. I am on the mend though.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Moving on
So I came up with three new questions and gave them to my chair. They are being approved by my committee now. She is trying to help me MOVE on.....so right now I am being PUSHED. oh well maybe its like a bandaid the sooner you retake it and pass the better it will be. At least that is my hope right now.
I think I will end up retaking my comps the first weekend in May now that I am going to NY the last weekend of the month. My best friend is having her baby shower.
I am still having issues writing my dissertation though. I know I can work on some historical information it is just hard to move on.
I got my blood tested and found out that out of 35 Normal Vitamin D levels my level is a 5. Yup a 5. So this means that I am taking Vitamin D prescription level once a week. Vitamin D affects your mood, being depressed and energy level. All I have been able to do is sleep. Now this explains it.
Today was my first time taking the pill and I didn't yawn as much but passed out at 4pm when I tried to write more of my dissertation.
I think I will end up retaking my comps the first weekend in May now that I am going to NY the last weekend of the month. My best friend is having her baby shower.
I am still having issues writing my dissertation though. I know I can work on some historical information it is just hard to move on.
I got my blood tested and found out that out of 35 Normal Vitamin D levels my level is a 5. Yup a 5. So this means that I am taking Vitamin D prescription level once a week. Vitamin D affects your mood, being depressed and energy level. All I have been able to do is sleep. Now this explains it.
Today was my first time taking the pill and I didn't yawn as much but passed out at 4pm when I tried to write more of my dissertation.
Monday, March 28, 2011
So its been awhile
A long while.
I went into a depression there. All the signs of loss have been there. I've been angry, crying at a drop of the hat. I feel like I lost someone close to me. And I did, I lost myself.
I know its weird but my pride stung and I was so embarrassed.
I've been ill and tired. Its been a mess. I went to my doctor and got some anti-depression drugs. Its day 3 of those. I have to take them at night because otherwise I yawn all day, no not small yawns, BIG yawns! funny but not at work. I made an appointment with my counselor. I will see him this week.
Getting help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. I had to reach out and help myself.
This was a build up. This was not something new. I had pushed on and through all the stress of working full time and taking classes, supervising students, and writing. Yes failing comps was the icing on the cake but certainly NOT the cause of my problems.
My husband has been watching me worried and even my friends have been attentive waiting for me to talk.
So I have been talking...alot.
I went and talked to my chair. She told me that I am NOT the first to fail written comps and I won't be the last. people fail comps all the time. They have made it through and are PhDs. So never fear my friend who also failed comps. I am there with you. My chair said that I can get through this. That is what I needed to hear.
Now I have to come up with three new questions. It will take awhile.
So how am I pushing through this? Well I am taking a step back. Yes my health and mental sanity comes first. I am not taking dissertation this summer. I am studying abroad in Italy for 11 days and doing my practicum. This gives me the time I need to recoup and recover.
I have also asked if I can take an extra year to write my dissertation.
I am also looking at changing my dissertation topic since it turns out that my original plan wouldn't give me enough people to compare results with. Talk about some stress there....
I finally told a classmate of mine, one. He handled it well. He was more concerned about me and had said that he noticed something was wrong. I thought I was hiding it well out in the "real world" but apparently not. The assistant principal knows that something is wrong but doesn't know what and he has been checking on me everyday.
I did leave work the day I failed comps and cried and slept most of the day. I cried at a drop of the hat a whole week after that.
I even looked at why I am getting this PhD. Is it really necessary? I find that it is. Plus it would drive me batty to not finish something. But then again that is why only 10% of the entire population have a PhD.
Then I found out something by talking with my father. He failed Ranger school. He went to West Point graduated # 2 in his class and he failed Ranger school. The emotion he still feels for this is strong but it helped me out. He got sick and so didn't get to finish.
I have the inner strength and I know I will finish this, but maybe another year or half a year added will be the ticket.
I am tough but I need to take care of myself.
Its time to regroup, reassess, and press on but maybe at a slower pace.
I went into a depression there. All the signs of loss have been there. I've been angry, crying at a drop of the hat. I feel like I lost someone close to me. And I did, I lost myself.
I know its weird but my pride stung and I was so embarrassed.
I've been ill and tired. Its been a mess. I went to my doctor and got some anti-depression drugs. Its day 3 of those. I have to take them at night because otherwise I yawn all day, no not small yawns, BIG yawns! funny but not at work. I made an appointment with my counselor. I will see him this week.
Getting help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. I had to reach out and help myself.
This was a build up. This was not something new. I had pushed on and through all the stress of working full time and taking classes, supervising students, and writing. Yes failing comps was the icing on the cake but certainly NOT the cause of my problems.
My husband has been watching me worried and even my friends have been attentive waiting for me to talk.
So I have been talking...alot.
I went and talked to my chair. She told me that I am NOT the first to fail written comps and I won't be the last. people fail comps all the time. They have made it through and are PhDs. So never fear my friend who also failed comps. I am there with you. My chair said that I can get through this. That is what I needed to hear.
Now I have to come up with three new questions. It will take awhile.
So how am I pushing through this? Well I am taking a step back. Yes my health and mental sanity comes first. I am not taking dissertation this summer. I am studying abroad in Italy for 11 days and doing my practicum. This gives me the time I need to recoup and recover.
I have also asked if I can take an extra year to write my dissertation.
I am also looking at changing my dissertation topic since it turns out that my original plan wouldn't give me enough people to compare results with. Talk about some stress there....
I finally told a classmate of mine, one. He handled it well. He was more concerned about me and had said that he noticed something was wrong. I thought I was hiding it well out in the "real world" but apparently not. The assistant principal knows that something is wrong but doesn't know what and he has been checking on me everyday.
I did leave work the day I failed comps and cried and slept most of the day. I cried at a drop of the hat a whole week after that.
I even looked at why I am getting this PhD. Is it really necessary? I find that it is. Plus it would drive me batty to not finish something. But then again that is why only 10% of the entire population have a PhD.
Then I found out something by talking with my father. He failed Ranger school. He went to West Point graduated # 2 in his class and he failed Ranger school. The emotion he still feels for this is strong but it helped me out. He got sick and so didn't get to finish.
I have the inner strength and I know I will finish this, but maybe another year or half a year added will be the ticket.
I am tough but I need to take care of myself.
Its time to regroup, reassess, and press on but maybe at a slower pace.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
So its official
I did not pass Comps. However unlikely I thought that might be, I did not pass comps.
All my friends in the program have but I did not.
How does this make me feel? Like crap
I went to work this morning and cried like 4 times finally leaving for the day. I took a 3 hour nap and still feel out of it. i think I am grieving. Lord I want to wake up from this godaweful nightmere and find a different better e-mail from my professor.
My stomach is in knots and I feel like I want to throw up.
Brian met me here at the apartment early with Chick-fil-A for lunch and some flowers. Great man.
I just wish I could snap out of it.
Of course my mind is consumed with all those self doubts of all that I lack. I never felt like I should have done this program and the man that said that I could now said that I failed comps.
I of course will have one more chance to pass comps. If I fail them again I am SOLed. They will kick me unceremoniously from the PhD program.
One of my friend found out a half an hour ago that he passed comps. How the fuck did I fail comps.
I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed at nauseum
How will I survive this total humiliation? yes I have an ego and its crushed.
I want to be an ostrich and just hide in the sand. I want to run away.
I really want to just quit it all. The program, counseling, and yes even this area and just run away. Stop the blog stop facebook and just fall off the face of the earth with Brian of course.
Should I even continue on this mad quest of mine? What should I do?
Part of me bratily wants to just say Fuck you to the school and just move on with my life and huge debt to pay back for what? all for nothing. Awesome.
Yes I am having a pity party for myself. I am self-aware but at the same time this is a HUGE blow.
All my friends in the program have but I did not.
How does this make me feel? Like crap
I went to work this morning and cried like 4 times finally leaving for the day. I took a 3 hour nap and still feel out of it. i think I am grieving. Lord I want to wake up from this godaweful nightmere and find a different better e-mail from my professor.
My stomach is in knots and I feel like I want to throw up.
Brian met me here at the apartment early with Chick-fil-A for lunch and some flowers. Great man.
I just wish I could snap out of it.
Of course my mind is consumed with all those self doubts of all that I lack. I never felt like I should have done this program and the man that said that I could now said that I failed comps.
I of course will have one more chance to pass comps. If I fail them again I am SOLed. They will kick me unceremoniously from the PhD program.
One of my friend found out a half an hour ago that he passed comps. How the fuck did I fail comps.
I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed at nauseum
How will I survive this total humiliation? yes I have an ego and its crushed.
I want to be an ostrich and just hide in the sand. I want to run away.
I really want to just quit it all. The program, counseling, and yes even this area and just run away. Stop the blog stop facebook and just fall off the face of the earth with Brian of course.
Should I even continue on this mad quest of mine? What should I do?
Part of me bratily wants to just say Fuck you to the school and just move on with my life and huge debt to pay back for what? all for nothing. Awesome.
Yes I am having a pity party for myself. I am self-aware but at the same time this is a HUGE blow.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Still waiting!
Ok so I have tried all week to NOT be nervous or worry about the outcome of comps. However, its been on my mind pretty much every day.
Spring break from ODU is this next week.
Oral comps are set for March 21st at 3:30
I met with my chair and I need to have at least 20 pages for chapter 2. I have 6. So I have some work to do on that.
I should find out Monday about comps. I hope its first thing Monday morning....I really want to know...
Spring break from ODU is this next week.
Oral comps are set for March 21st at 3:30
I met with my chair and I need to have at least 20 pages for chapter 2. I have 6. So I have some work to do on that.
I should find out Monday about comps. I hope its first thing Monday morning....I really want to know...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Its out of my hands
I have turned Comps in. No more revisions no more nail biting about whether I remembered everything.
I should know in a week.
I need to continue to flesh out chapter 2. I have added two more pages to it but now I just need more and use all my sources.
Its in G-d's hands now.
At least today was pretty and Brian and I went on a walk to the synagogue and paid for tickets for the purim carnival and bought some stuff at the Judaica store. Then we got back and went swimming.
Part of this process has to be getting me active again and healthy.
I plan on starting out slow and then maybe joining the Gym.
I should know in a week.
I need to continue to flesh out chapter 2. I have added two more pages to it but now I just need more and use all my sources.
Its in G-d's hands now.
At least today was pretty and Brian and I went on a walk to the synagogue and paid for tickets for the purim carnival and bought some stuff at the Judaica store. Then we got back and went swimming.
Part of this process has to be getting me active again and healthy.
I plan on starting out slow and then maybe joining the Gym.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Comps weekend
So my questions arrived last night at 2:15 from my professor.
I didn't do anything last night, instead I chilled with my husband and ate corned beef and cabbage and drank wine.
I made french toast this morning and had some coffee. Orenda is over and grading papers while I work on my comps. The 10th kingdom is on as a distracter for my ADD.
Ok so I guess I am still procrastinating a little. To be fair I did finish one question and I am working on question 2 its just that the question is very different then I was told originally so I need some time to really think. I hate researchy questions. Qualitative research.....I'm not even doing qual research. sucks.
I have until Monday at 5pm to get the questions in.
I will turn it in tomorrow night.
I want to finish up question 2 today and start on or finish three today as well. Thats my goal, so better get to it.
I didn't do anything last night, instead I chilled with my husband and ate corned beef and cabbage and drank wine.
I made french toast this morning and had some coffee. Orenda is over and grading papers while I work on my comps. The 10th kingdom is on as a distracter for my ADD.
Ok so I guess I am still procrastinating a little. To be fair I did finish one question and I am working on question 2 its just that the question is very different then I was told originally so I need some time to really think. I hate researchy questions. Qualitative research.....I'm not even doing qual research. sucks.
I have until Monday at 5pm to get the questions in.
I will turn it in tomorrow night.
I want to finish up question 2 today and start on or finish three today as well. Thats my goal, so better get to it.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Comps are coming
In fact they start in 10 hours.
I was able to find via google the answer to that dreaded qual research question. Thank goodness for google and google scholar.
I have written out answers and have been memorizing it all week.
I'm more nervous about these comps then when I did the Masters comps. My Masters comps we didn't even have what the questions we had to restudy every class that we took. But this I have the questions basically.
I am responsible to make sure that Dr. R sends me the questions via e-mail. I will have from 5pm Friday until 8am Monday to finish.
It will take a week to know if I passed my comps, so next Friday I should know. Though I hope earlier.
I want to be finished with comps by Saturday early afternoon and then work on adding more to my chapter 2. I meet with my chair Monday afternoon. Who knows she might tell me if I passed by Wednesday.
I played hooky from supervision....well the migraine forces me to. I hate the spring and the rain.
Thank goodness for husbands who clean and don't guilt trip me.
Poor guy will be neglected this weekend.
I was able to find via google the answer to that dreaded qual research question. Thank goodness for google and google scholar.
I have written out answers and have been memorizing it all week.
I'm more nervous about these comps then when I did the Masters comps. My Masters comps we didn't even have what the questions we had to restudy every class that we took. But this I have the questions basically.
I am responsible to make sure that Dr. R sends me the questions via e-mail. I will have from 5pm Friday until 8am Monday to finish.
It will take a week to know if I passed my comps, so next Friday I should know. Though I hope earlier.
I want to be finished with comps by Saturday early afternoon and then work on adding more to my chapter 2. I meet with my chair Monday afternoon. Who knows she might tell me if I passed by Wednesday.
I played hooky from supervision....well the migraine forces me to. I hate the spring and the rain.
Thank goodness for husbands who clean and don't guilt trip me.
Poor guy will be neglected this weekend.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Where is the motivation?
Its gone, oh so gone.
Maybe it is fear of failing this written comps exam....who knows.
I am preparing for comps by writing out the answers and then memorizing them throughout the week. I know that this is getting ahead of myself but how do you know when you are done writing. True its I only have two pages double spaced. I worry that I didn't use up all of the two pages for answering one question. But seriously I can't think of anything that I've missed.
Guilt is a bad thing. I feel guilty that the house isn't all clean and guilty that I went out shopping last night and slept part of yesterday. I did need new sneakers and I did only get 4 hours of sleep yesterday night. I did work for 3 hours on comps yesterday. Today so far an hour and now I am writing this blog....yup classic signs of procrastination. To be fair I have written a page and two sentences on this new question on my supervision model. Then I have another question which maybe I am trying to avoid its on Qualitative research. In my defense I think that most people except my chair would avoid this question. Funny enough its her question. I have to wait a whole week before I will find out if I passed my written comps. So I should know by March 4th whether I passed. I'll post it when I find out that I passed.
Apologizes to Nessa, I thought I would help her move and I didn't because I honestly thought it was next weekend that I would be helping her move. We were so busy we didn't get to talk this week. So please forgive my brain farting there. Too much going on. I hope we will still get together tomorrow, Monday for lunch.
Ok I am done procrastinating. I think.
Maybe it is fear of failing this written comps exam....who knows.
I am preparing for comps by writing out the answers and then memorizing them throughout the week. I know that this is getting ahead of myself but how do you know when you are done writing. True its I only have two pages double spaced. I worry that I didn't use up all of the two pages for answering one question. But seriously I can't think of anything that I've missed.
Guilt is a bad thing. I feel guilty that the house isn't all clean and guilty that I went out shopping last night and slept part of yesterday. I did need new sneakers and I did only get 4 hours of sleep yesterday night. I did work for 3 hours on comps yesterday. Today so far an hour and now I am writing this blog....yup classic signs of procrastination. To be fair I have written a page and two sentences on this new question on my supervision model. Then I have another question which maybe I am trying to avoid its on Qualitative research. In my defense I think that most people except my chair would avoid this question. Funny enough its her question. I have to wait a whole week before I will find out if I passed my written comps. So I should know by March 4th whether I passed. I'll post it when I find out that I passed.
Apologizes to Nessa, I thought I would help her move and I didn't because I honestly thought it was next weekend that I would be helping her move. We were so busy we didn't get to talk this week. So please forgive my brain farting there. Too much going on. I hope we will still get together tomorrow, Monday for lunch.
Ok I am done procrastinating. I think.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The freak out take one
It all started very good. I worked on my dissertation and comps for 8 hours this past week.
I just haven't looked at my class syllabus for dissertation seminar and low and behold, no class but I had a project due. So I facebooked a friend of mine and so he told me what to do. I spent an hour and over a half working on the project. It was frustrating. Since when aren't there grants for school counseling research? Crazy right? Well at least its done but now have no motivation to work on my dissertation any more. I think I will call it a night.
On a great note we went out for Valentine's day at 456 Fish. It was yummy. My OBYGN was eating dinner there too. Haven't figured out what to do if that happens. So I smiled at her. I'll see her soon.
I had a good day on Monday but then today made it hard for me to like my job. Sometimes you just want to slap some of these kids.
I just haven't looked at my class syllabus for dissertation seminar and low and behold, no class but I had a project due. So I facebooked a friend of mine and so he told me what to do. I spent an hour and over a half working on the project. It was frustrating. Since when aren't there grants for school counseling research? Crazy right? Well at least its done but now have no motivation to work on my dissertation any more. I think I will call it a night.
On a great note we went out for Valentine's day at 456 Fish. It was yummy. My OBYGN was eating dinner there too. Haven't figured out what to do if that happens. So I smiled at her. I'll see her soon.
I had a good day on Monday but then today made it hard for me to like my job. Sometimes you just want to slap some of these kids.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
My first blog
My name isn't too important. After all, its the journey you will read about that is the most interesting.
Out of our population, about 55% of people in my state will graduate high school, of that 50% will go to college. Within the first year 35% of the people who made it to college will drop out. Of those that graduate college 15% will start a Masters degree. Only half will make it. Then the crazies will start a PhD. Only 50% will finish their doctorate.
I am one of those....I have a BA in Communication Studies (journalism) MS in Counseling and now am working on my PhD in Counseling. I have beat several odds. I just have to finish to be in only about 10% of the entire population.
It is not the classes that are hard. I have maintained my 3.6 GPA, after all my chair is famous for saying "Bs make degrees" It is the dissertation. I have started this process. I am in my last class dissertation seminar. I meet with my chair every two weeks. She is having me write chapter 2 first.
I also have my written comps coming up Feb 25-27. A whole weekend to write a perfect 6 pages answering 3 questions, from memorization, no notes, no research studies.
Then my oral comps will be in March. I have to present a 20 minute presentation. I can do that off the cuff, I'm a natural but there is something about having to pass that is well a little daunting.
I started this blog to vent and to organize my feelings. Who knows I may make this a book. But that would be way in the future. After all, I have to write 115-150 pages which is a book.
Even if I am the only one who reads this I know that it is helping me.
Out of our population, about 55% of people in my state will graduate high school, of that 50% will go to college. Within the first year 35% of the people who made it to college will drop out. Of those that graduate college 15% will start a Masters degree. Only half will make it. Then the crazies will start a PhD. Only 50% will finish their doctorate.
I am one of those....I have a BA in Communication Studies (journalism) MS in Counseling and now am working on my PhD in Counseling. I have beat several odds. I just have to finish to be in only about 10% of the entire population.
It is not the classes that are hard. I have maintained my 3.6 GPA, after all my chair is famous for saying "Bs make degrees" It is the dissertation. I have started this process. I am in my last class dissertation seminar. I meet with my chair every two weeks. She is having me write chapter 2 first.
I also have my written comps coming up Feb 25-27. A whole weekend to write a perfect 6 pages answering 3 questions, from memorization, no notes, no research studies.
Then my oral comps will be in March. I have to present a 20 minute presentation. I can do that off the cuff, I'm a natural but there is something about having to pass that is well a little daunting.
I started this blog to vent and to organize my feelings. Who knows I may make this a book. But that would be way in the future. After all, I have to write 115-150 pages which is a book.
Even if I am the only one who reads this I know that it is helping me.
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